Fuck Fathers Day.

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I truly hate my biological father. He’s a bigot, a racist, a homophobe and transphobe. He’s also a recently retired evangelical pastor. He avoided the Vietnam War by moving to Canada to be a youth pastor. Thus I was born in Canada with three of my siblings. We grew up pacifists. But he was on an FBI watchlist because of his major involvement in the anti-abortion movement. He’s now a police chaplain, he’s pro-war and is a concealed carrier of hand guns.

My parents flew out to see us in 2015. I had started therapy with a LCSW in Portland earlier that year to work through issues of my mental health and processing my wanting to come out to my family. While they were here I was having a discussion with him explaining the three things each human has in common, biological sex, gender identity and sexual orientation (or lack there of). When the words sexual orientation left my lips, he leaned forward and sternly told me “we will always disagree on that, homosexuality is a sin against god”. I was trying to come out to my dad as a transgender person, but all he could hear was “GAY”. I was already super nervous about them being in our house, he’s disgusting.

You see white christians are a cult, and that cult tells them that they can be rude, dismissive, hateful, abusive and violent towards anyone outside of their cult, but the cult tells them they are showing love to everyone. Tough love. That shit is bullshit, tough love is abuse. Love is fully accepting a person, flaws and all. I don’t love my dad. His lifetime of hateful actions against the BIPOC and LGBTQIA community has been the opposite of love.

In May of 2018 I sent an email to him to tell him about living my whole life with chronic depression and how I was first suicidal in junior high and that continued throughout my life and I told him his posts on social media (my spouse is friends with him) belittling mental health and suicide was offensive. I came out as Queer to him, he’d never grasp asexuality, he’s a toxically masculine CisHet dude. His response was a single line, “It seems everything I say to you is offensive, I’d just prefer not to talk to you.” And that was that. He stopped talking to me. He accidentally FaceTimed me once trying to get a grandkid and he couldn’t look at me the entire time. What a hateful and disgusting human.

I hate my biological dad.

After I came out on my 39th birthday to my family, the shit hit the fan. I received hate mail from family telling me I was a sinner, that god only made men and women, that my birth name was sacred. That christmas, here in Oregon I went to my spouse’s parents house where I was deadnamed and misgendered repeatedly. I found out in February the year after I changed my legal name that my spouse’s dad attempted to tell her mom that he forbade her from using my new legal name and that he never would use it. I called him to tell him off, he hung up on me. I called back and left a voicemail telling him I’d never step foot in their house again and that he needed to get mental health help (which he still hasn’t). That day in my calendar, February 1 is labelled Fuck Jerry Day, to remind me that, that hateful fuck has never apologized to me or his daughter, because his cult tells him his hatred of me is love and he’s justified.

I hate Jerry.

These CisHet men don’t deserve a day commemorating them, they simply fucked their wives and that’s all they contributed to my life. I will never celebrate father’s day, unless the father is Black, Indigenous, Person of Color and/or a Trans Parent, then I’ll celebrate them all day long. White CisHet patriarchy has 100% of the days already. Fuck them. Fuck white cishet fathers.

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